Thursday, May 4, 2006

Late Night Thoughts

So I was waiting to see Mike Metzger jump over the fountains at Caesar's Palace tonight in between pitches of the Cards-Astros game, and I must say, I was expecting to see ESPN broadcast this guy's death live.

The Worldwide Leader prepped the audience with a shot of some dope on a dirt bike who crashed at approximately 150 mph into a brick wall trying to do this jump twenty years ago. Then they flash an on-screen graphic that says Metzer is trying to become the second person to ever land this jump -- and the first to ever attempt a backflip over the fountain. Then they show a closeup of Metzger, who apparently couldn't resist the urge to get a giant tattoo on his neck in college. Then they show the ramps for the jump. The two ramps are 110 feet apart, and Metzger's going to take off at a 43 degree angle. No safety net; no padding. The guy is just wearing a helmet.

There's no doubt in my mind at this point that, best case scenario, Metzger will end up in a coma.

After a ridiculous amount of pre-jump hype -- in which viewers discovered that Evel Knievel is still alive and that Suzy Kolber has shoulders -- Metzger gets ready to jump. He takes two practice runs down the tiny runway, then spins around, and fires off towards impending doom on his dirtbike. ESPN cuts to the wideshot as Metzger does the flip and lands it with ease. Replays show that the jump was so easy, Metzger had time to put the brakes on his back wheel to keep it from overrotating.

He couldn't have made it look any difficult. So much for ESPN hyping the event as 'The Impossible Jump.'

One more note: Stephen Colbert (50,000 people have thanked him here already; have you?) had Rick Reilly on the 'Report' tonight. Colbert had the line of the night, calling Bonds 'the giant head in the room.' Reilly had his chances to take shots at Bonds, which he loves to do. Overall, good stuff.

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