A Good Week for Inaccuracy

It's been a week of crazy, unconfirmed rumors, and a whole lot of 'done deals' reported in the media turned out to be incomplete. Here's a sampling of the widely-reported rumors that turned out to be untrue (and this is just the stuff from the last 72 hours):



-Juergen Klinsmann's the new head coach of the UN Men's National Team!

-Juergen Klinsmann rescinds his name from consideration for USMNT coach. (Though this may have been MLS' fault.)



-Rich Rodriguez is going to Alabama!

-Rich Rodriguez rescinds his name from consideration for the Alabama job.



-Manny's Gone!

-Manny's not going anywhere.



-Bonds isn't going to get a contract offer from the Giants!

-Bonds is going to the Cardinals!

-Bonds has re-signed with the Giants.



-John Garland's staying! Going! Gone! Staying!

A Good Week for Inaccuracy

It's been a week of crazy, unconfirmed rumors, and a whole lot of 'done deals' reported in the media turned out to be incomplete. Here's a sampling of the widely-reported rumors that turned out to be untrue (and this is just the stuff from the last 72 hours):



-Juergen Klinsmann's the new head coach of the UN Men's National Team!

-Juergen Klinsmann rescinds his name from consideration for USMNT coach. (Though this may have been MLS' fault.)



-Rich Rodriguez is going to Alabama!

-Rich Rodriguez rescinds his name from consideration for the Alabama job.



-Manny's Gone!

-Manny's not going anywhere.



-Bonds isn't going to get a contract offer from the Giants!

-Bonds is going to the Cardinals!

-Bonds has re-signed with the Giants.



-John Garland's staying! Going! Gone! Staying!

LaVar Makes No Sense

LaVar Arrington went before Congress yesterday and said some things that don't make any sense. Let's go straight to the text:

The linebacker, who now plays for the New York Giants, said that in 2003 he was faxed a contract for an eight-year $68 million deal that failed to include a second, $6.5 million roster bonus in 2006. The NFLPA, which was represented at the hearing by general counsel Richard Berthelsen, said it took action against Poston because the union is obligated to ensure that players collect the maximum salary they can in the marketplace.

So let me get this straight: Arrington went to Congress and told them that his agent shouldn't have been penalized for not getting him a big enough contract. He's actually arguing that even though his agent shortchanged him by $6.5 million, the NFL Players Association was wrong in trying to get Arrington more money. This came just a day after Arrington compared the NFLPA to the mob. Oh, and making things crazier, his testimony could lead to actual legislation in the House. Some things just don't make any sense.

Jerome Watch: He Is, In Fact, Alive

Jerome Habel -- though I find it hard to believe -- alive and playing basketball. San Diego State vs. Arizona is coming up on Saturday. While you're waiting, here's the only type of proof that still exists these days: a YouTube video. Enjoy.





{Update: Here and here you can find more of the Jerome.}

Tough Day for the (Soccer) Yanks

This USMNT coaching situation is getting uglier by the day. I just can't see this whole process ending well. At least Cristian Gomez was offered a new contract, though I have to believe that no MVP of a North American league has been offered such a small contract before.

Is Klinsmann Not the Next U.S. National Team Head Coach?

La Opinion, a Spanish newspaper in L.A., reported this weekend that José Néstor Pekerman -- the head coach of the Argentinian national team during the 2006 World Cup -- will be named the new head coach of the U.S. Men's National Team. Nothing's official, of course, but I'm not too pleased with the decision. Yanks Abroad isn't either, and some of their angst might have to do with the fact that Pekerman doesn't speak English.

Is Klinsmann Not the Next U.S. National Team Head Coach?

La Opinion, a Spanish newspaper in L.A., reported this weekend that José Néstor Pekerman -- the head coach of the Argentinian national team during the 2006 World Cup -- will be named the new head coach of the U.S. Men's National Team. Nothing's official, of course, but I'm not too pleased with the decision. Yanks Abroad isn't either, and some of their angst might have to do with the fact that Pekerman doesn't speak English.

There's Something About Manny

So Manny Acta’s going to be the new manager of the Nats, which is all nice and fine. But you know what would make me feel better? If the Nats had Vlad Guerrero playing right field.



I know that that’s a random thought, but stay with me. Acta has never coached in the U.S. at above a Class A level. But he has had three fairly large jobs (besides his work last year as 3rd base coach of the Mets). One was as a coach on Frank Robinson’s staff in Montreal, when Guerrero was playing right field the Expos. One was as the manager of Dominican League powerhouse Licey, when Guerrero was playing right field for the team. One was as the manager of the Dominican team in this year’s World Baseball Classic, when Guerrero was playing right field.



Maybe it’s just a coincidence that Guerrero’s played for Acta on three different teams. Maybe it’s not, since the Mets did go the NLCS with a lanky Jew in right field this year. Whatever the case, I’m not convinced that this is the right hire for the Nats. Acta’s got no experience as a major league manager, and he’s coming to a team that hasn’t made the playoffs since 1981. This team needs a guy who’s been a proven winner, and I’m not impressed with a guy whose got a sub-.500 record as a minor league manager.



With all due respect to Acta, I cannot envision a situation in which he gets more out of this team than Frank did the last five seasons. All I’m seeing with Acta is a guy who couldn’t even win with a loaded Dominican team that had Vlad and David Ortiz hitting 3-4 and Johan Santana at the top of the rotation.



I’m assuming that this move also eliminates any chance that Alfonso Soriano will come back to the Nats. Acta benched Soriano in the WBC for Placido Polanco.



While, I'm at it, I'd like to break down a quote in today's Post from John Patterson about Acta:

'I don't think Manny speaks English,' Patterson said.



Huh?



'I don't think Manny speaks Spanish.'



Huh?



'I think he speaks baseball.'



Huh?

Personally, I'd rather have a guy who speaks English. But maybe that's just me.

There's Something About Manny

So Manny Acta’s going to be the new manager of the Nats, which is all nice and fine. But you know what would make me feel better? If the Nats had Vlad Guerrero playing right field.



I know that that’s a random thought, but stay with me. Acta has never coached in the U.S. at above a Class A level. But he has had three fairly large jobs (besides his work last year as 3rd base coach of the Mets). One was as a coach on Frank Robinson’s staff in Montreal, when Guerrero was playing right field the Expos. One was as the manager of Dominican League powerhouse Licey, when Guerrero was playing right field for the team. One was as the manager of the Dominican team in this year’s World Baseball Classic, when Guerrero was playing right field.



Maybe it’s just a coincidence that Guerrero’s played for Acta on three different teams. Maybe it’s not, since the Mets did go the NLCS with a lanky Jew in right field this year. Whatever the case, I’m not convinced that this is the right hire for the Nats. Acta’s got no experience as a major league manager, and he’s coming to a team that hasn’t made the playoffs since 1981. This team needs a guy who’s been a proven winner, and I’m not impressed with a guy whose got a sub-.500 record as a minor league manager.



With all due respect to Acta, I cannot envision a situation in which he gets more out of this team than Frank did the last five seasons. All I’m seeing with Acta is a guy who couldn’t even win with a loaded Dominican team that had Vlad and David Ortiz hitting 3-4 and Johan Santana at the top of the rotation.



I’m assuming that this move also eliminates any chance that Alfonso Soriano will come back to the Nats. Acta benched Soriano in the WBC for Placido Polanco.



While, I'm at it, I'd like to break down a quote in today's Post from John Patterson about Acta:

'I don't think Manny speaks English,' Patterson said.



Huh?



'I don't think Manny speaks Spanish.'



Huh?



'I think he speaks baseball.'



Huh?

Personally, I'd rather have a guy who speaks English. But maybe that's just me.

So Bobby Boswell Was On 'GUTS'...

READ THIS NOW. You won't regret it.

Big Win For Those Terps

Just a month ago, the Fridge was asking himself, Why does God hate me? Four weeks later, the Terps are getting all the breaks. I'll just give you one example: Clemson scored a TD with 4 minutes left in the game take a 15-10 lead, but the Tigers only had 10 players on the field. The illegal formation call pushed back Clemson five yards, and then they settled for a field goal. The crazy thing is, The penalty was the only one against Clemson during the entire day.



The craziest thing is that with the 13-12 win, the Terps have a legitimate shot to go to the ACC Championship game. This is a Terps team that barely beat Florida International five weeks ago, and now if they can somehow keep this streak going in their final three games -- vs. Miami, at B.C., vs. Wake Forest -- they could end up in a BCS bowl. Go figure.

Big Win For Those Terps

Just a month ago, the Fridge was asking himself, Why does God hate me? Four weeks later, the Terps are getting all the breaks. I'll just give you one example: Clemson scored a TD with 4 minutes left in the game take a 15-10 lead, but the Tigers only had 10 players on the field. The illegal formation call pushed back Clemson five yards, and then they settled for a field goal. The crazy thing is, The penalty was the only one against Clemson during the entire day.



The craziest thing is that with the 13-12 win, the Terps have a legitimate shot to go to the ACC Championship game. This is a Terps team that barely beat Florida International five weeks ago, and now if they can somehow keep this streak going in their final three games -- vs. Miami, at B.C., vs. Wake Forest -- they could end up in a BCS bowl. Go figure.

Somehow, Borat Just Got Better

So I've been meditating on the fact that the 'Borat' movie comes out tomorrow (though, as The Washington Post notes, executives at FOX can thank the mainstream media for hyping this movie up), and then I noticed something that I hadn't seen before: Larry Charles directed the film.



Yes, that's the same Larry Charles who was one of the early writers on 'Seinfeld.' The same Larry Charles who came up with unbelievable early lines, like 'Can't-Stand-Ya!' (from 'The Library'), 'And who's responsible for making hate mongering and fascism popular again?' ('The Limo'), 'Alright, so that's one tuck, and one no-tuck' ('The Trip'), and most of all, 'I'm not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that!' ('The Outing').



Charles has also directed episodes of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' So basically, when you take Sasha Baron Cohen and add a writer from 'Seinfeld'... well, this 'Borat' movie is going to be unbelievable.

Somehow, Borat Just Got Better

So I've been meditating on the fact that the 'Borat' movie comes out tomorrow (though, as The Washington Post notes, executives at FOX can thank the mainstream media for hyping this movie up), and then I noticed something that I hadn't seen before: Larry Charles directed the film.



Yes, that's the same Larry Charles who was one of the early writers on 'Seinfeld.' The same Larry Charles who came up with unbelievable early lines, like 'Can't-Stand-Ya!' (from 'The Library'), 'And who's responsible for making hate mongering and fascism popular again?' ('The Limo'), 'Alright, so that's one tuck, and one no-tuck' ('The Trip'), and most of all, 'I'm not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that!' ('The Outing').



Charles has also directed episodes of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' So basically, when you take Sasha Baron Cohen and add a writer from 'Seinfeld'... well, this 'Borat' movie is going to be unbelievable.

Yup, This Was Izzy's Fault

So despite the fact that this Cardinals team wasn't very good, and that they should have been swept by the Padres, and the Mets, and the Tigers, they've just won the World Series. Blame it on the rain -- or just on the Tigers' refusal to throw balls into the gloves of Sean Casey and Brandon Inge. It's been tough out here in Columbia watching Cards fans who had given up on this team back in August and September return louder than ever, pretending as though that late-season collapse never happened. Everyone around these parts always says that Cards fans are the most loyal in baseball, and I think it's safe to say that after watching this season, it's pretty obvious that Cards fans aren't as loyal as they think.



That being said, I don't think the Cardinals won the World Series because they were so great offensively (Pujols only hit .200), and I don't think the Tigers lost exclusively because of their defensive mistakes. No, I can only blame this World Series championship on one person:



Jason Isringhausen.



At the end of the season, Cards fans were a wreck when Izzy came into close games. He was frequently wild, finishing the year with an ERA of 3.55 and a mediocre WHIP of 1.457. He was the anchor of a below-average bullpen, and that said something.



But when Izzy got hurt, it opened the door for Adam Wainwright to close games. Wainwright responded this postseason in tremdendous fashion. In five save opportunities, he had four saves (and he got the win after blowing the one save). He pitched 9.2 innings, allowing only seven hits (opposing teams hit .194 against him). He had a strikeout-to-walk ratio of 15-to-2. He did not allow a run. In the process, he became the star of the Cardinals bullpen.



Those 9.2 innings would have gone to Isringhausen had he been healthy, and based off of his 2006 regular season, he probably would have blown at least one or two saves this postseason had he pitched. A blown save against the Mets would have changed the series. A blown save against the Tigers would have sent the series back to Detroit. But with his absence, the Cards were able to find their closer of the future (or maybe even a starter) and avoid the chaos that came whenever Isringhausen took the mound.

Yup, This Was Izzy's Fault

So despite the fact that this Cardinals team wasn't very good, and that they should have been swept by the Padres, and the Mets, and the Tigers, they've just won the World Series. Blame it on the rain -- or just on the Tigers' refusal to throw balls into the gloves of Sean Casey and Brandon Inge. It's been tough out here in Columbia watching Cards fans who had given up on this team back in August and September return louder than ever, pretending as though that late-season collapse never happened. Everyone around these parts always says that Cards fans are the most loyal in baseball, and I think it's safe to say that after watching this season, it's pretty obvious that Cards fans aren't as loyal as they think.



That being said, I don't think the Cardinals won the World Series because they were so great offensively (Pujols only hit .200), and I don't think the Tigers lost exclusively because of their defensive mistakes. No, I can only blame this World Series championship on one person:



Jason Isringhausen.



At the end of the season, Cards fans were a wreck when Izzy came into close games. He was frequently wild, finishing the year with an ERA of 3.55 and a mediocre WHIP of 1.457. He was the anchor of a below-average bullpen, and that said something.



But when Izzy got hurt, it opened the door for Adam Wainwright to close games. Wainwright responded this postseason in tremdendous fashion. In five save opportunities, he had four saves (and he got the win after blowing the one save). He pitched 9.2 innings, allowing only seven hits (opposing teams hit .194 against him). He had a strikeout-to-walk ratio of 15-to-2. He did not allow a run. In the process, he became the star of the Cardinals bullpen.



Those 9.2 innings would have gone to Isringhausen had he been healthy, and based off of his 2006 regular season, he probably would have blown at least one or two saves this postseason had he pitched. A blown save against the Mets would have changed the series. A blown save against the Tigers would have sent the series back to Detroit. But with his absence, the Cards were able to find their closer of the future (or maybe even a starter) and avoid the chaos that came whenever Isringhausen took the mound.

God, I Miss That Theme Song

Sometimes I wonder how stuff like this gets on YouTube. How many people been keeping a copy of the '92 Finals in their basement all these years? I will say this, though: there was a time when showing the NBC cameras at the start of the 4th quarter was a classy TV move. Those were simpler times.

God, I Miss That Theme Song

Sometimes I wonder how stuff like this gets on YouTube. How many people been keeping a copy of the '92 Finals in their basement all these years? I will say this, though: there was a time when showing the NBC cameras at the start of the 4th quarter was a classy TV move. Those were simpler times.

Hey, Aren't You The Guy Who Was Kinda Supporting Black Power?

See that guy at left? The white guy who looks like he'd rather not even acknowledge the two other guys on the podium? Well, his name's Peter Norman, and he died today. It's rare for non-American, recently deceased Olympians to end up in the sports pages. Norman, it should be noted, is Australian, but you'll see his name on the sports pages tomorrow.



And why would any care about an Aussie track star from the '60s? Because he was in that photo you see at right.



Apparently, all you have to do to get an obituary these days is to appear in a landmark civil rights photograph. Easier said than done, I guess.

Hey, Aren't You The Guy Who Was Kinda Supporting Black Power?

See that guy at left? The white guy who looks like he'd rather not even acknowledge the two other guys on the podium? Well, his name's Peter Norman, and he died today. It's rare for non-American, recently deceased Olympians to end up in the sports pages. Norman, it should be noted, is Australian, but you'll see his name on the sports pages tomorrow.



And why would any care about an Aussie track star from the '60s? Because he was in that photo you see at right.



Apparently, all you have to do to get an obituary these days is to appear in a landmark civil rights photograph. Easier said than done, I guess.

Random Observations...

❡ Mark Brunell completed 22 straight passes today, setting an NFL record. FOX showed the stat on screen after the 22nd pass, and, of course, Brunell threw two imcompletions immediately afterwards. Nice job, FOX Sports. Point of tangency: Clinton Portis finished with 164 combined yards and 2 TDs, but on the long shuffle pass and a pitch inside the 5 (in which he got to the outside but was tripped up at the 1), he did not look as fast as usual. Maybe he's just not up to full game speed yet. Maybe he's still playing at 80%. Maybe it's hard to get excited to play the Texans. I'm not sure which one it is.



❡ Uually in Columbia, either the Chiefs or the Rams are playing at 1 pm. Not today. The Chiefs had a bye week, and the Rams are playing at 4. It's very strange to be in a sports bar where the loudest folks are Packers or Bengals fans.



❡ Did anyone notice that Miami and Tennesse were playing today? I was in a bar with no less than 35 TVs, and there wasn't a single one tuned to that game.



❡I'm still not sure why FOX has their pregame show on the road. I don't know anyone -- not even here in Columbia -- who loves Joe Buck so much that he/she'd tune in just for him. FOX should just move the show back to L.A. and let Curt Menefee host. And please, can we get one guy to host the show and to provide the in-game updates? This Buck-Menefee-Chris Rose trifecta just isn't working.



❡I still get a good laugh out of hearing the words, 'Now let's show you the Arizona Cardinals defense.'



❡ A funny sequence in the Rams-Cardinals game: Matt Turk's punt dies at the 1 yard line, followed by a shot of Turk raising his hands towards the sky, followed by the announcer saying, 'Give all the praise there to...', followed by a fleeting moment in which I thought the announcer was going to commend Jesus, followed by the disappointing words ...'Tye Hill, corner out of Clemson.'



❡ Is there a worse feeling than waking up late Sunday and realizing that you haven't changed your fantasy team, and then watching as T.J. Houshmanzadeh and Nate Burleson combine for 3 TDs as they sit on your bench?



❡ Mizzou is in the top 25. Colorado is next week. I'm trying not to get too excited, but.... Tigers!



❡ Speaking of which, why'd Maryland drop out of the 'Also Receiving Votes' category in both polls? What, that 14-10 win over Florida International wasn't impressive enough for the voters?

That's Senators Baseball

Two great finds by District of Baseball today:



❡Check out this headline from the CBS affiliate in Green Bay.



❡And Ken Wright of The Washington Times, after watching a mediocre performance from Brewers pitcher Tomo Okha, says:

The Nationals traded Ohka to the Brewers last season in exchange for second baseman Junior Spivey, who played a little more than a month for Washington before he broke his right forearm in a freak batting cage accident at Philadelphia's Citizens Bank Park. The Nationals opted not to re-sign Spivey after last season and he spent all of this season in the minors at Class AAA Memphis, a St. Louis Cardinals affiliate.



So the jury's still out on which team received the better end of the trade.

Hold up there, Ken. Tomo Okha went 7-6 last year with a 4.23 ERA after being traded to the Brewers. Meanwhile, Junior Spivey had 77 ABs with the Nationals. He hit .221/.330/.390 with 2 home runs, 7 RBIs and 26 strikeouts. He played in only 28 games.



And if I remember correctly, the Nationals had so few pitchers last year that Hector Carrasco had to come out of the pen to start games. Ryan Drese became a starter. Livo kept pitching through knee injuries. Frank Robinson said over and over again that he would kill for starting pitching.



So in what crooked legal system is the jury still out on the starting pitcher-for-second baseman who played in 28 games trade?

That's Senators Baseball

Two great finds by District of Baseball today:



❡Check out this headline from the CBS affiliate in Green Bay.



❡And Ken Wright of The Washington Times, after watching a mediocre performance from Brewers pitcher Tomo Okha, says:

The Nationals traded Ohka to the Brewers last season in exchange for second baseman Junior Spivey, who played a little more than a month for Washington before he broke his right forearm in a freak batting cage accident at Philadelphia's Citizens Bank Park. The Nationals opted not to re-sign Spivey after last season and he spent all of this season in the minors at Class AAA Memphis, a St. Louis Cardinals affiliate.



So the jury's still out on which team received the better end of the trade.

Hold up there, Ken. Tomo Okha went 7-6 last year with a 4.23 ERA after being traded to the Brewers. Meanwhile, Junior Spivey had 77 ABs with the Nationals. He hit .221/.330/.390 with 2 home runs, 7 RBIs and 26 strikeouts. He played in only 28 games.



And if I remember correctly, the Nationals had so few pitchers last year that Hector Carrasco had to come out of the pen to start games. Ryan Drese became a starter. Livo kept pitching through knee injuries. Frank Robinson said over and over again that he would kill for starting pitching.



So in what crooked legal system is the jury still out on the starting pitcher-for-second baseman who played in 28 games trade?

MVP Reporting

Breaking news used to be reserved for major international news, stock market chaos, and crises of intergalactic consequence. But ever since spell check started accepting ESPNEWS as a legitimate word, the sports world has started clamoring for its own news scoops.



Point in case: the release of the NBA's regular season awards. Two weeks back, the headline on most webpages was 'Report: Nash to Win Second Straight MVP.' Yesterday, it was 'Report: Wallace Wins 4th Defensive Title.' Today, it was 'Report: Paul to be Named NBA's Top Rookie.'



All I want to know is, since when did the NBA start leaking the names of their regular season award winners? All of the other professional sports leagues can keep their awards under wraps, but apparently the NBA has to leak their awards to the press. And when did regular season awards become such a big deal? They're not handing out a Heisman or the Stanley Cup here.



I don't want to see more of these leaked breaking news reports about regular season awards, ESPNEWS. Ditto for all you .com's. The awards are nice, but there's no reason for ESPN to break into the second reairing of last night's 'Baseball Tonight' to tell me who the NBA's six man of the year is.

MVP Reporting

Breaking news used to be reserved for major international news, stock market chaos, and crises of intergalactic consequence. But ever since spell check started accepting ESPNEWS as a legitimate word, the sports world has started clamoring for its own news scoops.



Point in case: the release of the NBA's regular season awards. Two weeks back, the headline on most webpages was 'Report: Nash to Win Second Straight MVP.' Yesterday, it was 'Report: Wallace Wins 4th Defensive Title.' Today, it was 'Report: Paul to be Named NBA's Top Rookie.'



All I want to know is, since when did the NBA start leaking the names of their regular season award winners? All of the other professional sports leagues can keep their awards under wraps, but apparently the NBA has to leak their awards to the press. And when did regular season awards become such a big deal? They're not handing out a Heisman or the Stanley Cup here.



I don't want to see more of these leaked breaking news reports about regular season awards, ESPNEWS. Ditto for all you .com's. The awards are nice, but there's no reason for ESPN to break into the second reairing of last night's 'Baseball Tonight' to tell me who the NBA's six man of the year is.

Late Night Thoughts

So I was waiting to see Mike Metzger jump over the fountains at Caesar's Palace tonight in between pitches of the Cards-Astros game, and I must say, I was expecting to see ESPN broadcast this guy's death live.



The Worldwide Leader prepped the audience with a shot of some dope on a dirt bike who crashed at approximately 150 mph into a brick wall trying to do this jump twenty years ago. Then they flash an on-screen graphic that says Metzer is trying to become the second person to ever land this jump -- and the first to ever attempt a backflip over the fountain. Then they show a closeup of Metzger, who apparently couldn't resist the urge to get a giant tattoo on his neck in college. Then they show the ramps for the jump. The two ramps are 110 feet apart, and Metzger's going to take off at a 43 degree angle. No safety net; no padding. The guy is just wearing a helmet.



There's no doubt in my mind at this point that, best case scenario, Metzger will end up in a coma.



After a ridiculous amount of pre-jump hype -- in which viewers discovered that Evel Knievel is still alive and that Suzy Kolber has shoulders -- Metzger gets ready to jump. He takes two practice runs down the tiny runway, then spins around, and fires off towards impending doom on his dirtbike. ESPN cuts to the wideshot as Metzger does the flip and lands it with ease. Replays show that the jump was so easy, Metzger had time to put the brakes on his back wheel to keep it from overrotating.



He couldn't have made it look any difficult. So much for ESPN hyping the event as 'The Impossible Jump.'



One more note: Stephen Colbert (50,000 people have thanked him here already; have you?) had Rick Reilly on the 'Report' tonight. Colbert had the line of the night, calling Bonds 'the giant head in the room.' Reilly had his chances to take shots at Bonds, which he loves to do. Overall, good stuff.

Late Night Thoughts

So I was waiting to see Mike Metzger jump over the fountains at Caesar's Palace tonight in between pitches of the Cards-Astros game, and I must say, I was expecting to see ESPN broadcast this guy's death live.



The Worldwide Leader prepped the audience with a shot of some dope on a dirt bike who crashed at approximately 150 mph into a brick wall trying to do this jump twenty years ago. Then they flash an on-screen graphic that says Metzer is trying to become the second person to ever land this jump -- and the first to ever attempt a backflip over the fountain. Then they show a closeup of Metzger, who apparently couldn't resist the urge to get a giant tattoo on his neck in college. Then they show the ramps for the jump. The two ramps are 110 feet apart, and Metzger's going to take off at a 43 degree angle. No safety net; no padding. The guy is just wearing a helmet.



There's no doubt in my mind at this point that, best case scenario, Metzger will end up in a coma.



After a ridiculous amount of pre-jump hype -- in which viewers discovered that Evel Knievel is still alive and that Suzy Kolber has shoulders -- Metzger gets ready to jump. He takes two practice runs down the tiny runway, then spins around, and fires off towards impending doom on his dirtbike. ESPN cuts to the wideshot as Metzger does the flip and lands it with ease. Replays show that the jump was so easy, Metzger had time to put the brakes on his back wheel to keep it from overrotating.



He couldn't have made it look any difficult. So much for ESPN hyping the event as 'The Impossible Jump.'



One more note: Stephen Colbert (50,000 people have thanked him here already; have you?) had Rick Reilly on the 'Report' tonight. Colbert had the line of the night, calling Bonds 'the giant head in the room.' Reilly had his chances to take shots at Bonds, which he loves to do. Overall, good stuff.

Jerome Habel Gone to San Diego?

The story of Jerome Habel is too long for me to go into detail. Habel, a 6'9'' freak of a power forward, is headed to San Diego State next season. But to understand why this is such a big deal, you'll need a brief history of Habel. It starts almost seven years ago. Here goes:

• Habel makes the junior varsity team at Paint Branch High School in Burtonsville, Md. He is kicked off the team the same season because of problems with the coaching staff.

• Habel makes the varsity team at Paint Branch, despite his problems on the JV. He is kicked off the team because of problems with the coaching staff.

• Habel transfers to Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda, Md., after meeting Whitman's point guard, Dan Englestad, during summer league games. He makes the varsity team, plays the entire season, leads Whitman to the state quarterfinals, and is offered scholarships from Charlotte and Virginia Commonwealth. He passes up the scholarship offers.

• Habel transfers to Marriott Hospitality Charter High School, a D.C. public school set up for kids who want to go into hotel management. Habel has no interest in hotel management, and does not even live in Washington, D.C.. He is offered scholarships from Arizona, Cincinnati, Florida State, and others. He selects FSU. The Washington Post later runs a front-page story exposing Marriott Charter's fraudulent recruiting tactics, because a majority of the basketball team is attending a D.C. public school even though the players don't live in D.C. The team is shut down, and Habel and the other out-of-state players are forced out of the school.

• Habel starts taking night school classes to finish his degree. He takes the SAT three times, but fails to get a qualifying score of 800 (on the 1600 point scale). He is not declared eligible to play at FSU, and loses his scholarship.

• Habel transfers to a Palm Beach Community College in Florida, and makes the varsity team. After four games, he quits school because of problems with the coaching staff.

• Habel transfers to St. Mary's College in Maryland, where former teammate Englestad is playing. Habel quits after five games for personal reasons.

• Habel meets a Washington entrepreneur, who takes a chance on him and brings him to summer league tournaments across the country.

• Habel transfers to San Bernardino Valley College as a sophomore, though I do not know when he took credits to reach sophomore status. He plays a full season on the varsity squad, is ranked the #2 junior college player in America by jucojunction.com and is offered scholarships by Arizona, Nevada, Oklahoma, and San Diego State. He chooses San Diego State.

To be sure, Habel is an unusual character. Athletically, he's gifted enough to play just about anywhere in the country, which is why he initially was able to sign with FSU out of high school. Next year, he'll be the best big man in the Mountain West Conference. But he's also a kid who's gotten kicked off five different basketball teams, and completed only two full seasons of basketball since he was 14. Next year, Habel will be considered a 'scholar athlete,' though from his résumé, it seems that the only grades he'll be receieving are from NBA scouts.



More to come on Habel as information becomes available...

The Tribe and Farmar

Tomorrow night, I will be rooting for UCLA to win. I will not be rooting for them because of coach Ben Howland's agressive defense. I will not be rooting for them because of Cedric Bozeman, who has rebounded from an ACL injury just 17 months ago to lead his team to this championship game. I will not even be rooting for them because of Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, who's name dwarfs that of GW star Pops Mensa Bonsu.



No, when UCLA takes the court Monday night, I will be rooting for them for one reason only. On that night, I will not root for UCLA with my heart.



Instead, I will root for UCLA with my schnozz.



Why is this Monday night different from all other nights, you ask? On this Monday night, we will sit down and watch UCLA point guard Jordan Farmar -- a Jew -- lead the Bruins to victory.



And when that happens, I will not be more proud.



For years, I've had to deal with a simple fact: we Jews don't have sports stars. When I met Sandy Koufax at the ACC Tournament a few years back, I was excited. Some twenty minutes later, at the same game, I met Ralph Sampson, who at the time appeared to stand at least 20 feet tall. Sampson looked like a sports star; Koufax reminded me of the crazy uncle who wants you to pull his finger during Rosh Hashana.



Yet, Koufax is as big as it gets for Jews in sports. We have Hank Greenberg, sure. But how about young, contemporary Jewish sports stars? Sasha Cohen? Lenny Krayzelburg? David Newhan?



The list, alas, is a mere Haggadah in comparison to the books that tell the stories of the great non-Jewish athletes. Jews have advised Presidents, acted in great movies, and survived in the desert for 40 years. But we just aren't very good at sports.



That's what makes Monday night so exciting for both Farmar and the Jewish people. Just listen to how one Jew -- the Jewish Sports Review's Ephraim Moxson -- went into Linda Richmond-like schpilkies over the potential of Farmar two years ago to Heeb Magazine.

'He's half-Jewish, half-Black. Bar Mitzvahed. Not only is he good, but he's the number one high school shooting guard in the nation, according to two national ratings guides. Two! He is the real deal.'

A moment to clarify things here: yes, there is such a thing as the Jewish Sports Review, and yes, they do offer extensive coverage of the Maccabi games.



Furher clarification: as Moxson noted, Farmar is actually only half-Jewish. His mother is Melinda Kolani. His father is Damon Farmar, a black baseball player who played in the Chicago Cubs' minor league system, but his parents divorced when Jordan was two. Kolani remarried to an Israeli man named Yehuda Kolani, who later took Jordan to Israel on several occasions and encouraged him throughout the Bar Mitzvah process. Here's what Jordan told one Jewish publication last December:

'I am a Jew and I grew up in a Jewish home, but now that I've left home I can say that I conduct a Jewish way of life. I try to take the good things from all religions, even though I identify with the Jewish people and feel part of it.'

Okay, so what if in the same interview he says, 'I don't define myself as a believing Jew'? We in the tribe are still very excited for this Semetic superstar. We've been denied enough over the years, and we'll gladly take Farmar.



That being said, I think now of the words that Jews sing during the Passover seder. To paraphrase, If Farmar could only bring both UCLA and the Jewish people a championship on Monday, it would be enough.



And let us all say together, 'Dayenu.'

Great to be a Patriot

So much was made of the video of Iowa fans and their reaction to the upset loss to Northwestern State. That video showed -- pardon the cliché -- the agony of defeat.



Today's video shows the other perspective of the upset. This afternoon, I found myself in the middle of the George Mason student section at the Verizon Center, cheering along as the Patriots pulled off one of the greatest upsets in NCAA Tournament history.



Many of the alums in the building had not seen the Mason team before today. One alum told me at the half, 'You know, we're just happy to be here.' The same could not be said by those who followed the team extensively this season. You'll see from the video how much this win meant to the team and to the student body.



The video is available below, and if seeing a few hundred college kids chanting 'Billy Packer! Billy Packer!' doesn't get you going, I'm not sure what will.

Great to be a Patriot

So much was made of the video of Iowa fans and their reaction to the upset loss to Northwestern State. That video showed -- pardon the cliché -- the agony of defeat.



Today's video shows the other perspective of the upset. This afternoon, I found myself in the middle of the George Mason student section at the Verizon Center, cheering along as the Patriots pulled off one of the greatest upsets in NCAA Tournament history.



Many of the alums in the building had not seen the Mason team before today. One alum told me at the half, 'You know, we're just happy to be here.' The same could not be said by those who followed the team extensively this season. You'll see from the video how much this win meant to the team and to the student body.



The video is available below, and if seeing a few hundred college kids chanting 'Billy Packer! Billy Packer!' doesn't get you going, I'm not sure what will.

The Duke Media Conspiracy

Remember that Duke game earlier in the year when the Blue Devils shot 40 free throws versus Florida State? The media started harping on the referees after that game, suggesting that officials favored Duke.



I won't go so far as to suggest that Duke is the darling of NCAA officials. But I do wonder about the odd coincidence betwee the NCAA's official mascot and the ACC's all time leading scorer. Do direct your attention to the diagram below:







At left is J.J. Jumper, the official mascot of NCAA basketball. The NCAA sends him out to games, where he wreaks havoc on television cameras and roots for no one.



At left is J.J. Redick, who coincidentally is really good at jumpers. He was a sophomore in high school when J.J. Jumper was created.



It's highly, highly unlikely that someone at the NCAA had the foresight to name a frog mascot after Redick. But it is strange, indeed.

The Duke Media Conspiracy

Remember that Duke game earlier in the year when the Blue Devils shot 40 free throws versus Florida State? The media started harping on the referees after that game, suggesting that officials favored Duke.



I won't go so far as to suggest that Duke is the darling of NCAA officials. But I do wonder about the odd coincidence betwee the NCAA's official mascot and the ACC's all time leading scorer. Do direct your attention to the diagram below:







At left is J.J. Jumper, the official mascot of NCAA basketball. The NCAA sends him out to games, where he wreaks havoc on television cameras and roots for no one.



At left is J.J. Redick, who coincidentally is really good at jumpers. He was a sophomore in high school when J.J. Jumper was created.



It's highly, highly unlikely that someone at the NCAA had the foresight to name a frog mascot after Redick. But it is strange, indeed.

Overrated?

CBS paid the NCAA $6 billion to broadcast the NCAA Tournament through the year 2014. 58 million Americans have entered their picks into a pool. Some experts estimate that the U.S. economy will lose $3.8 billion due to productivity loss this March.



But you know what? Peole are blowing all that money over nothing. March Madness, my ass. I'll give it to you straight: the tourney is pretty overrated.



That being said, anyone who agrees with the above statement probably thinks that the Rorschach image at right is a sign of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's supremacy over Earth. Such crazy people should not be trusted with anything -- not even the hiring of Missouri's new basketball coach.



But at least one person in all of America thinks that the NCAA Tournament is a terrible way to choose the national champion of college basketball. Perhaps there are more of you out there. Maybe even three or four. It's a scary thought. Anyway, I was reading Michael Wilbon's live chat on The Post's website today, and here's what one poster said:





So leave it up to the Voice of Reason, Michael Wilbon, to rectify the situation. The real argument is this: if the above poster can find a way to fairly select the best of the 334 teams in Division I college basketball AND make it just as unpredictably crazy as the current setup AND keep the scholar athletes who play basketball for our amusement from failing out of school, then let's go for it.



Meanwhile, I'll be sitting here, screaming my way through another two weeks of incredible college basketball while State College crunches the numbers. Have fun, boys. You're not going to find a better way.

Overrated?

CBS paid the NCAA $6 billion to broadcast the NCAA Tournament through the year 2014. 58 million Americans have entered their picks into a pool. Some experts estimate that the U.S. economy will lose $3.8 billion due to productivity loss this March.



But you know what? Peole are blowing all that money over nothing. March Madness, my ass. I'll give it to you straight: the tourney is pretty overrated.



That being said, anyone who agrees with the above statement probably thinks that the Rorschach image at right is a sign of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's supremacy over Earth. Such crazy people should not be trusted with anything -- not even the hiring of Missouri's new basketball coach.



But at least one person in all of America thinks that the NCAA Tournament is a terrible way to choose the national champion of college basketball. Perhaps there are more of you out there. Maybe even three or four. It's a scary thought. Anyway, I was reading Michael Wilbon's live chat on The Post's website today, and here's what one poster said:





So leave it up to the Voice of Reason, Michael Wilbon, to rectify the situation. The real argument is this: if the above poster can find a way to fairly select the best of the 334 teams in Division I college basketball AND make it just as unpredictably crazy as the current setup AND keep the scholar athletes who play basketball for our amusement from failing out of school, then let's go for it.



Meanwhile, I'll be sitting here, screaming my way through another two weeks of incredible college basketball while State College crunches the numbers. Have fun, boys. You're not going to find a better way.

How About Them Jaspers?

The argument goes something like this: Air Force never should have been invited to the NCAA Tournament, because a team like Florida State or Maryland had nine ACC wins this year, and teams from the ACC wipe the sweat from their big, ACC-inflated biceps with those the rags that play in the Mountain West.



Then the tournament comes around, and you see Air Force come out and play with Illinois.



Then Wichita State and George Mason and Northwestern State and Bradley and all those other tiny schools from Anytown, USA, pull big upsets.



And then Maryland, which ended up in the NIT instead, comes out on ESPN and loses to Manhattan, 87-84.



Whoops.



The Maryland loss would be more surprising if I didn't know a number of things about Maryland already:

1. The Terps have no offensive skills. By which I mean:
   
   
• They don't have a true center
• They don't have a consistent outside shooters
• They don't have a point guard
• They don't pass the ball well
• They don't dribble the ball well
• They don't rebound well
2. They Terps have no defensive skills. By which I mean:
• They don't defend the 3
• They don't do a good job of one-on-one defense in the post
• They don't switch or hedge on screens
3. They Terps aren't very smart. By which I mean:
• Chris McCray was declared ineligble because he couldn't get a 2.0 GPA for the first semester of his senior year
• Ekene Ibekwe has been named the team's LeFrak Foundation Scholar two years in a row, even though the only player who carried a 3.0 GPA those years was walk-on Darien Henry

That just about sums this year's team up. They've got no fundamentals, no smarts, and no heart. Today, Maryland came out and was blown out by a Manhattan squad that was excited to be playing in any postseason tournament. The Jaspers played tough, diving into the crowd for loose balls and banging with a much larger Terps squad. They left nothing on the floor and no one on the bench, since four Manhattan starters fouled out in the game.



ESPN actually flashed a graphic in the final minute that said, 'Manhattan: No bench players remaining.' The Jaspers were forced to use all nine players on their team, and at the end of the game, only one starter remained. That starter was Jeff Xavier, who finished with 31 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 steals.



So Maryland managed to lose despite a home court advantage (You can see from the photo at the top that Maryland fans really came out en force for the 11 am tip off) and despite an incredible advantage at the foul line. They shot 39% from the field, even though they grabed 25 offensive rebounds. Maryland also gave up 27 points from beyond the arc, as is typical for a Terps game.



I've got to feel bad for Gary Williams. His teams are usually excellent on defense, and they usually play tough. But this team is lazy, has no heart, and gave up 47 points to Manhattan in the first half. Their strength is size, which is nice, but I would rather see the Terps be very strong at, say, rebounding or defending the 3.



Let is be known that in his final game, Travis Garrison, a McDonald's All American just four years ago, airballed a layup. I am not sure how he managed to miss the backboard and rim on a two footer, but he did.



It was truly a season to forget in College Park.

How About Them Jaspers?

The argument goes something like this: Air Force never should have been invited to the NCAA Tournament, because a team like Florida State or Maryland had nine ACC wins this year, and teams from the ACC wipe the sweat from their big, ACC-inflated biceps with those the rags that play in the Mountain West.



Then the tournament comes around, and you see Air Force come out and play with Illinois.



Then Wichita State and George Mason and Northwestern State and Bradley and all those other tiny schools from Anytown, USA, pull big upsets.



And then Maryland, which ended up in the NIT instead, comes out on ESPN and loses to Manhattan, 87-84.



Whoops.



The Maryland loss would be more surprising if I didn't know a number of things about Maryland already:

1. The Terps have no offensive skills. By which I mean:
   
   
• They don't have a true center
• They don't have a consistent outside shooters
• They don't have a point guard
• They don't pass the ball well
• They don't dribble the ball well
• They don't rebound well
2. They Terps have no defensive skills. By which I mean:
• They don't defend the 3
• They don't do a good job of one-on-one defense in the post
• They don't switch or hedge on screens
3. They Terps aren't very smart. By which I mean:
• Chris McCray was declared ineligble because he couldn't get a 2.0 GPA for the first semester of his senior year
• Ekene Ibekwe has been named the team's LeFrak Foundation Scholar two years in a row, even though the only player who carried a 3.0 GPA those years was walk-on Darien Henry

That just about sums this year's team up. They've got no fundamentals, no smarts, and no heart. Today, Maryland came out and was blown out by a Manhattan squad that was excited to be playing in any postseason tournament. The Jaspers played tough, diving into the crowd for loose balls and banging with a much larger Terps squad. They left nothing on the floor and no one on the bench, since four Manhattan starters fouled out in the game.



ESPN actually flashed a graphic in the final minute that said, 'Manhattan: No bench players remaining.' The Jaspers were forced to use all nine players on their team, and at the end of the game, only one starter remained. That starter was Jeff Xavier, who finished with 31 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 steals.



So Maryland managed to lose despite a home court advantage (You can see from the photo at the top that Maryland fans really came out en force for the 11 am tip off) and despite an incredible advantage at the foul line. They shot 39% from the field, even though they grabed 25 offensive rebounds. Maryland also gave up 27 points from beyond the arc, as is typical for a Terps game.



I've got to feel bad for Gary Williams. His teams are usually excellent on defense, and they usually play tough. But this team is lazy, has no heart, and gave up 47 points to Manhattan in the first half. Their strength is size, which is nice, but I would rather see the Terps be very strong at, say, rebounding or defending the 3.



Let is be known that in his final game, Travis Garrison, a McDonald's All American just four years ago, airballed a layup. I am not sure how he managed to miss the backboard and rim on a two footer, but he did.



It was truly a season to forget in College Park.

Sucks to be a Hawkeye

You'll see the highlights tonight of Northwestern State's incredible win over Northern Iowa. It was a great win if you like college basketball, but lost in all of this was the reaction by Iowa and their fans.



Today, photographer Tyler Profilet went down to the Coliseum, a bar in Columbia, Mo., to talk to people who had skipped work to watch the games. He found a few Hawkeye fans, and then captured their reactions as their team inexplicably blew a 15 point second half lead and lost on a 3 with .5 seconds left.



The video is below, and it is excellent:







The full video, without the YouTube logo in the right corner, is available here.

Sucks to be a Hawkeye

You'll see the highlights tonight of Northwestern State's incredible win over Northern Iowa. It was a great win if you like college basketball, but lost in all of this was the reaction by Iowa and their fans.



Today, photographer Tyler Profilet went down to the Coliseum, a bar in Columbia, Mo., to talk to people who had skipped work to watch the games. He found a few Hawkeye fans, and then captured their reactions as their team inexplicably blew a 15 point second half lead and lost on a 3 with .5 seconds left.



The video is below, and it is excellent:







The full video, without the YouTube logo in the right corner, is available here.

Facebook Hates Canada

Facebook is running an NCAA tournament pool this year. The winner gets a big screen TV. But the fine print is unusual. Check this out:

'If a selected winner is unreachable or ineligible, fails to claim a prize or fails to return an executed affidavit and consent in a timely manner, the winner will forfeit his or her prize and an alternate winner be selected in accordance with the criteria described above. Canadian participants must also correctly answer a mathematical skill testing question, without human or mechanical assistance and within a specified time limit, before being declared a prizewinner. By entering the Contest, you consent to being placed on a mailing list for promotional and other materials.'

That's right, Canada. You may have universal health care, but you aren't getting our Japanese-imported big screen without basic math skills. Glad to see that the friendly folks at Facebook are finally putting some serious tariffs on those Canucks.

Facebook Hates Canada

Facebook is running an NCAA tournament pool this year. The winner gets a big screen TV. But the fine print is unusual. Check this out:

'If a selected winner is unreachable or ineligible, fails to claim a prize or fails to return an executed affidavit and consent in a timely manner, the winner will forfeit his or her prize and an alternate winner be selected in accordance with the criteria described above. Canadian participants must also correctly answer a mathematical skill testing question, without human or mechanical assistance and within a specified time limit, before being declared a prizewinner. By entering the Contest, you consent to being placed on a mailing list for promotional and other materials.'

That's right, Canada. You may have universal health care, but you aren't getting our Japanese-imported big screen without basic math skills. Glad to see that the friendly folks at Facebook are finally putting some serious tariffs on those Canucks.

The Crayola Bracket

This year's bracket is, well, a bit odd. Air Force and Utah State -- in. Cincy and Michigan -- out. Arizona, who suspended a player, then brought him back and finished 19-12 -- in. Maryland, who suspended a player, and couldn't bring him back and finished 19-12 -- out. It's a bracket that deserves to be done in crayon. Click on the image to make it larger.

The Crayola Bracket

This year's bracket is, well, a bit odd. Air Force and Utah State -- in. Cincy and Michigan -- out. Arizona, who suspended a player, then brought him back and finished 19-12 -- in. Maryland, who suspended a player, and couldn't bring him back and finished 19-12 -- out. It's a bracket that deserves to be done in crayon. Click on the image to make it larger.

Rock Star?

If you missed today's Wake Forest vs. NC State quarterfinal, you missed a first for humanity. I'll cut straight to the videotape:



[Scene: First half, Wake up big. Justin Gray grabs a rebound, and pushes the ball upcourt to stage left.]



-Mike Patrick: 'Justin Gray is as tough as a bag of rocks.'

-Dick Vitale [in typically animated tone]: 'Bag of rocks? What the heck is a bag of rocks?'



[At stage right, the mountains crumble, pigs fly, and Casey knocks a single into left field, thus insuring that the Mudville nine will go to extra innings.]



To my knowlege, this is the first time that Dick Vitale has ever criticized the use of cliché in any setting. Even though Mike Patrick's comment was quite possible the most obscure, least sensical thing heard on ESPN in decades, the fact that Vitale didn't immediately roll with the cliché and name Gray to his 'All-Flinstones' team is a amazing. This is a truly great day for sports fans everywhere.

Rock Star?

If you missed today's Wake Forest vs. NC State quarterfinal, you missed a first for humanity. I'll cut straight to the videotape:



[Scene: First half, Wake up big. Justin Gray grabs a rebound, and pushes the ball upcourt to stage left.]



-Mike Patrick: 'Justin Gray is as tough as a bag of rocks.'

-Dick Vitale [in typically animated tone]: 'Bag of rocks? What the heck is a bag of rocks?'



[At stage right, the mountains crumble, pigs fly, and Casey knocks a single into left field, thus insuring that the Mudville nine will go to extra innings.]



To my knowlege, this is the first time that Dick Vitale has ever criticized the use of cliché in any setting. Even though Mike Patrick's comment was quite possible the most obscure, least sensical thing heard on ESPN in decades, the fact that Vitale didn't immediately roll with the cliché and name Gray to his 'All-Flinstones' team is a amazing. This is a truly great day for sports fans everywhere.

Juwanna talk in 3rd person?

Juwan Howard, I'm begging you please: talk more like this caption found on your website. You see that? 'Juwan looks intently as he attempts to bowl a strike.' You've got to love a 3rd person reference for an NBA player, especially when it relates to Duckpin bowling. Juwan, please, start doing your post-game interviews in 3rd person. Webber has disappeared in Philly. Jalen Rose has apparently been sucked into the Isiah Thomas vortex of doom. Please, Juwan, give us some reason to remember the Fab Five. Juwan knows what to do. Just let Juwan do what he's gotta do.

Juwanna talk in 3rd person?

Juwan Howard, I'm begging you please: talk more like this caption found on your website. You see that? 'Juwan looks intently as he attempts to bowl a strike.' You've got to love a 3rd person reference for an NBA player, especially when it relates to Duckpin bowling. Juwan, please, start doing your post-game interviews in 3rd person. Webber has disappeared in Philly. Jalen Rose has apparently been sucked into the Isiah Thomas vortex of doom. Please, Juwan, give us some reason to remember the Fab Five. Juwan knows what to do. Just let Juwan do what he's gotta do.